The final step to putting your vows together is combining the context with the promises you created.  As you combine these read them out loud and ask yourself, does something feel like it might be missing?  Are there specific words that you use in describing your relationship that are not included in the draft?  If you live up to these vows, each and every day, would they nurture and sustain your marriage?

If you have answered yes to all of this, you are ready to fine-tune the wording and flow. As you begin, look for anything that may be repetitive and/or complicated by how you use language.  As a wedding officiant, I have experienced again and again, that simple, specific and from the heart vows are perceived as more personal, meaningful and eloquent by the couple and those invited to witness your marriage.  If you remove redundancy and pay attention to how ideas flow together, changing words that connect to the next thought and playing with what should come first, you will find that you have written a vow that's just right for you.

You can test this by reading them out loud several times.  Return to them each day for 2-3 days asking yourself each time, is there something that is missing or does not feel quite right yet?   Deciding to keep it brief or a bit longer is a personal choice, here are 2 versions using the context and promises below:

_____, as my friend, partner and lover you have supported me in my personal journey with love, compassion, loyalty and tenacity.  With respect and integrity in my actions towards you, I promise this day to support your growth as an individual; sharing in your dreams and being of comfort to you in difficult times.  As your friend, partner and lover, I will communicate honestly with you, listening between the words for your truth, and balancing your truth with my own, no matter how difficult it may seem.  I will trust our relationship through the joys and sorrows of life always standing by your side and sleeping in your arms.  Knowing that I can be overly serious, I promise to ensure that there is always fun and playtime for us.  I promise to live these vows for today and all of our tomorrows.

_____, as my friend, partner and lover you have changed my life.  I promise this day to support as you have always supported me, communicating honestly and trusting the essence of our relationship.  I promise to play and have fun with you, keeping our love alive.  With respect and integrity in my thoughts and actions towards you, this promise is made in love for all my days. 


While I have only dealt with the actual writing of your own vows, as an officiant, I have married couples who have used poetry and music as their vows.  When it comes to promises from the heart, I encourage you to explore your own unique way of speaking and expressing these to your betrothed. Hopefully, this process has been helpful.  Please feel free to comment and let me know if you have other approaches to the writing of vows.