Most of us live ordinary lives. We have jobs, maybe children, pets, friends, family and  hobbies that we love.  While we move through our lives experiencing a range of emotions and feelings; each day can feel and seem like a repeat of the day before or the day that will follow.  We can forget that each day is a gift and is filled with newness and excitement.  We have a choice of how we relate to each moment of our lives, opening to the potential that each moment, hour, and day is new, fresh and infused with energy and an aliveness and excitement that turns our days into a lovely adventure.

I am fortunate that I am reminded of this every day when I see my friend Bettina.  She is an accomplished woman with an MBA from a prestigious school and had a career as a successful management consultant.  She made a choice after her second child was born to remain at home for the next few years so she could be a full-time mom.  Each day that I spend time with her and her children (she is almost never without them for long!) I am aware of how she is fully available and present for them.  It's not that she engages with them in a calm and loving way; it is that as she is delighted by each moment she spends with them.  She is excited to see who they will be when they wake-up, what new things they will learn, and how they will interact with people and their environment.  She approaches each moment as if it were fresh and new, and when I walk into her home, there is an aliveness that is contagious.  There is nothing ordinary about her days, nor the impact she will have on her children as they learn this approach to each day.

Each of us has the possibility to approach every moment and the people we encounter with this same delight.  In doing so, the ordinary minutes, hours and days become infused with life, turning the ordinary into the extraordinary.  I would love to hear your stories, so please comment or write to me. 

As of next week this series will be posted on Thursdays as I introduce a new series of blogs.  Each Monday I will focus on a ceremony that I have had the fortune of co-creating with the participants and naturally officiating at the ceremony.  Please join me as we honor and celebrate our lives!

  

I have been traveling over the past 2 weeks quite a bit.  In general, most of the service people at the train station and airports, while courteous, made limited human contact, and kept a distance.  I watched at the airport as several people, frustrated and anxious, were treated with efficiency but little warmth.  So as I was waiting in line I became glued to one ticket agent; as I observed her customers laughing, smiling and visibly relieved after checking bags, changing seats and handling whatever business they needed.  Clearly she was offering something to her customers that others were not.  By this time, I had been waiting in line for 30 minutes, was tired and anxious and yes, expecting to be efficiently taken care of, but did not expect to have my mood altered by kindness.

I was fortunate to be this agent's next customer.  As I approached Mary, (the name tag revealed), gave me a big smile, looked me in the eye and asked me  "How are you today?" with the warmth of a dear friend.  In that moment, I could feel my body relax and knew that someone really cared about helping me.  As it turns out, Mary herself had been working for over 7 hours and when I thanked her warmth, compassion and heart connection, she beamed and told me that is what she was committed to doing every day.  She said "Life could be hard or sweet, and my job is to help people get to the sweetness, even in hard or stressful times."   In the 5 minutes she spent with me, my mood shifted, I began to smile, relax, look other people in the eye and pass on a bit of her kindness at the airport, as I instinctively began to help strangers who were fumbling with bags, needed a seat or where I simply met their eyes and smiled.

This ordinary everyday person, touches lives each day with a conscious intention that provides compassion, love and a possibility for others to be on the receiving end of kindness and grace.  Small acts of heart, ripple out into the world and make a difference that often goes unnoticed.    For those who are wondering I did send a large testimonial on her behalf to her boss!

When I relocated back to the Boston area in 2003, I had several furniture items that I no longer needed.  Perhaps it was fate or simply luck that led me to HGRM, and a truly remarkable couple and group of volunteers who were making a difference in peoples lives.  When Larry, the driver, arrived to pick up my furniture, we spoke about HGRM.  Larry explained that he was a volunteer and board member and very quickly had me committing to volunteering myself! 

The next week I met Barbara and Ira, the founders of the organization and over the next few months heard the stories and witnessed the small miracles that were occurring each day at HGRM; simply because Barbara and Ira opened their hearts and home to help. 
So here is their story:

Barbara and Ira are a down-to-earth, modest couple who had raised a family and were active in their community.  In the early 1990's, they heard about a women who had fled El Salvador in fear for her life, arriving here with few if any possessions.  Barbara and Ira quickly stepped in; putting a call out to their neighbors and asking them to donate anything that could help this women set-up her home.  The response was overwhelming, with furniture, bedding, kitchen items and essentials being delivered to their home. 

After Barbara and Ira gave her all the items needed to set-up her apartment, they looked around their driveway and basement and saw that they had so much left over, with more coming in!  Instead of turning items away or calling an agency such as Goodwill, they continued to offer goods to people in need.  Word of mouth spread and before they knew it, they had started HGRM!  In 1999, a group of supporters joined forces with Barbara and Ira and incorporated HGRM into a non-profit organization.  Today HGRM, a mostly volunteer organization, is housed in a 9400 square foot facility and services over 300 families a month providing essential household items to the needy at no cost. Barbara and Ira remain quite active! 

Barbara and Ira, from a simple act of heart, have touched and impacted so many lives.  Not only have they helped thousands of families, they have helped those that wish to volunteer and help others, find a home to do so.  If you are interested in learning more about HGRM please visit their website, and if you able consider a donation. 

While many of us may not have the time needed to undertake the efforts that Ira and Barbara have, we can touch people's lives in a meaningful way with one act of heart, sending a ripple of compassion and love out into our world.  The smallest act can make a big difference!    

Over the past two days, I have experienced a spectrum of emotions from joy, feelings of success, fear, frustration, peacefulness and stress.  While in any given day these emotions may come and go, I am usually in my "routine" and have space to inquire into them as they arise and fall away, allowing life and energy to simply flow.  When I am in my own environment, with all the little things that provide me comfort; my cats, walks outside, sitting in my garden, and connections with people I love, I have great capacity to remain grounded and be at peace.

Two days ago, in the blink of an eye, circumstances and plans were changed as I faced the fear (fear does a number on me!) of loosing my dear friend and a desire-no it was more than that-a need-to help her through an emergency surgery.  It wasn't that there was a choice or a struggle to decide if I would go-I was going!  Rather, it was the process of re-adjusting my brain; all those well thought out plans, brilliant scheduling of appointments that just "fit" everyone in, and my sense of knowing exactly what my days would be filled with and what I would accomplish over the next 2 weeks, that threw me into the realm of the unknown-not a comfortable place!  Once again I found myself back in an  automatic mode where I fluctuated from acting as if I were 14 to the wisdom of  my 54 years.    Without even realizing it, I lost my grounding and connection to the peacefulness that allows me to flow with life.  Specifically I noticed that I have a hard time breathing and my chest felt constricted.  I was not happy! 

On the train to my friend, I happened to be reading Thich Nhat Hahn's new book "you are here" and was reminded once again, that regardless of what is occurring around me; in my inner landscape, I have the ability to remain grounded and be  at peace.  I simply need to remember to take a minute or more to come back to my breath.  In that moment, I experience the present moment and once again have the capacity to allow life's energy to flow.

So today I started my day with breathing and touching into the space inside where I simply "AM", and I am here!
 

Thirteen years ago my friend Be made an extraordinary choice.  At the time she was single and a professional Realtor, who having faced multiple challenges was finally beginning to enjoy her life, felt financially secure and was beginning to believe in a future different from her past.

The prior year, her brother, who had three children, had committed suicide.  While this was quite traumatic for Be, she realized that it was going to be a difficult road for his children and was committed to maintaining a relationship with them so she could provide support as they struggled with their loss.  On the year anniversary of his death, she traveled to Texas were the children were living to spend time with them.  What she discovered when she arrived was an intolerable situation.  Clearly the children age 14, 9 and 7 where not only being neglected, but apparently were living in a situation in which their physical, mental and emotional safety were at continual risk.  Without a thought, Be took all three children immediately out of the house and brought them home with her to the East Coast where she filed for and received temporary guardianship.

I have spent the last thirteen years in amazement as my friend has sacrificed her life and ambitions in order to give these children the love, support and counseling needed in order for them to have a chance to grow into functioning adults.  She did all of this without any financial help and little emotional support from the children's relatives.  Ultimately, Be made the decision to leave her job as a Realtor, taking an administrative job and sacrificing financial security so she could be home with the children.

Today, because of her extraordinary willingness to step in, these children had a chance to heal and become contributing people in the world.  The oldest has been serving in the Marines for 6 years and has recently married; the middle boy is employed full time in the service industry, is married and a step dad to two kids who adore him; and the girl is a junior at at a top rated college where she maintains a 3.97 gpa.

The past 13 years have been anything but easy for Be, and when I asked her why, given all she had been through, she chose to take this on, she looked at me as if I had two heads and said..."it's not like I had a choice."  Well yes, you did have a choice my dear friend, and many people would have allowed the "State" and/or "system" to step in, but with great courage and conviction you took these children into your heart and home and in that moment became a role model of compassion and grace for us all.   I am blessed to have been a witness to your life and have you as my dearest friend.

Do you have a story?  Please let me know.

As a wedding officiant I perform ceremonies at a variety of venues.  While I know that I have high expectations for places that host weddings and other events, my experience is that the coordinators at these venues can range from excellent to marginal in their coordination efforts and customer interface. 

Last weekend, I was at a venue that did not allow the florist, or any of the other vendors to have access to the site until 1 hour before the ceremony.  As the venue itself did not offer anything but basic set-up, had this couple not hired a "Day of Wedding Coordinator" the guests would have arrived and the site would not have been ready.  This particular wedding coordinator had the planning knowledge and experience to pull the site together so that the ceremony and day could begin on time and the day would run smoothly. 

This past weekend, I arrived at a site 30 minutes before the ceremony.  No chairs were set-up, and the coordinator was no where to be found.  I took it upon myself to ask one of the waitresses about the ceremony chairs, she said that chairs were not on the set-up sheet.  I explained that it must have been an oversight and asked if she could ensure that the chairs were put out quickly, which gratefully she did as guests were mulling about. 

Your wedding day and celebration is important, and while chairs are hardly a small detail, a professional wedding coordinator, not affiliated with your site, will ensure that your day runs smoothly and that the small details are tended to. My experience has taught me, that if you have it in your budget for a "Day of Wedding Coordinator" it is money well spent.

As a spiritual counselor and life coach, I am privileged to companion people along life's path. 
I have been honored to listen to their stories and provide support as they struggle to live from their hearts and make a difference in the world.  The other day, as I was thinking about how many of these people have touched my own heart and life, I decided that their stories were anything but ordinary.  These people exhibit courage, conviction and a passion for healing themselves, helping others and making the most of their lives; some under the most difficult circumstances.

In a world where so much struggle and strife exists, we are bombarded by all the negative stories about hard times, conflict between people, and the difficulties we are facing in our communities and the world at large.  Many of us may believe that it takes strong and powerful people to make a difference, and in this belief we miss out on how "we" as ordinary, simple people can contribute in a meaningful way.

As a way of celebrating and honoring the extraordinary moments and acts in our lives,  I am launching a weekly blog entry that focuses on one person's story.  These will appear, each Wednesday, starting on September 23rd.  I would love to hear your stories as well, so feel free to pass them along.  Names and any identifying details will only be used if I receive permission and the blog entry is approved by the person who it is written about.  Please join this celebration of courage and the extraordinary moments in our lives. 

You are planing your wedding, and want to incorporate chocolate in your ceremony because you met over chocolate;  but your wedding is outside in July, so you assume because of the heat that this won't work.  You love the outdoors, you and your partner hike, work in the soil, saw and stack wood together and you wonder if somehow you can bring this into your wedding ceremony with more than just words.  You are animal lovers and own a dog, you want him involved in the ceremony but do not believe this can happen.    As a wedding officiant and celebrant who creates customized ceremonies my response is-of course we can!   Wedding rituals are meaningful if they speak to your heart, reflect you story as a couple and honor that which you feel is important in your life.  They offer a rich way in which you can celebrate your passions, beliefs and values and also create new traditions for the future.  There are many lovely rituals that are steeped in tradition and used for wedding ceremonies, but you can also create your own.
Here are some quick tips: 

• Understand what the overall message you wish to relay through a ritual is - do you want to honor how you met? Are there important activities you do together that join your lives?  Do you have shared commitments that are important as you join together in marriage?  Do you wish to honor the community of people that are celebrating with you? Do you want the community to be actively involved in your ceremony?
• Whatever the overall message is, as you design your ritual keep it simple and clear. 
• Test out the ritual with others to see what works and what needs to be tweaked.
• Make sure there is an explanation of the ritual and the meaning it has for the two of you during the ceremony.

Two last hints: when you think you can't do something, or it won't work, turn these statements into questions and ask How might it work? What needs to happen for it to work and be included? 
Finally - Have fun!

As a life celebrant and minister, I officiate at many different types of celebrations and events.  I interface with many other professionals in ensuring that the details and day run smoothly.  At weddings, baby blessings and memorials, often a videographer is brought in to record the day.  While I have worked with several terrific videographers, this past weekend I had the unfortunate experience of working with one that created problems during a wedding ceremony. 
This particular person did not use a stationary camera, nor did they wire the groom for sound.  They were moving around quite a bit during the actual ceremony, both in front of the bride and groom and behind me.  During one of the rituals I had to actually ask him to move and I noticed on more than one occasion that the photographer was having a problem taking pictures because this person stepped into their camera's view. While ultimately I do not know the quality of the product produced, my experience with this videographer prompts me to offer the following helpful questions should you wish to incorporate videography at your wedding or celebration of any kind: 

Will they contact the other professionals involved ahead of time to discuss each others needs, including your celebrant or officiant?

Will they use at least 1 stationary camera, positioned in a manner that does not distract from the ceremony or interfere with other pictures?

If this is a wedding, do they have an approach for supplementing a stationary camera that will effectively capture what they need to without causing distraction?

Will they coordinate their efforts with the photographers so that both can do their jobs? 

Will they use wireless microphones, if necessary,  in a manner that will not cause audio interruption but will pick up the ceremony?

While it is helpful during weddings and celebratory events to hire a videographer who can blend in and be inconspicuous, this becomes even more important during a memorial service. While all of this may seem obvious to a professional, it is helpful to understand how the person you ar hiring will work with you.  Let me know if their are other questions you think should be asked.

As an officiant and celebrant, I meet with many couples to discuss the creation of personalized wedding ceremonies.  There is always such excitement about this, until we come to the vows.  It is then that I get terrified looks and comments like, "I wouldn't even know where to begin".  While ultimately I may write vows for couples, I encourage them to try it themselves as it will have greater meaning for them. 

Some couples need little guidance, but for the most part, the couples I work with are relieved when I tell them that I will send then what I call my "vow cheat sheet".  This is a very brief description of how to go about putting together vows, and then a select sampling of 8-12 vows that I cull out for them based upon my getting to know them.  From this selection, they will either find one they really like and "tweak"it to make it their own, or cut and paste from several of the ones that I carefully select for them.  There are times when couples send me a draft of there favorite sentiments, wording and phrases and then I smooth it out for them to ensure a nice flow of words. 

For those couples who want to start from scratch, I have put together a 4 step process that can be easily followed.  The important aspect to remember is that while vows are in fact serious, adding stress to the wedding planning process can be eliminated by simply beginning with what others have written. 

There are only so many ways, words and sentiments to discuss love and commitment.  If your officiant does not provide you with samples or you don't like what they have, get on line and do a search.  There are thousands of lovely vows already written that you can adapt, edit and cut and paste from.  Most importantly have fun!