Photography Courtesy of Cynthia R. Lang  860-953-2299

As a life celebrant, I help people honor and celebrate their relationships and life experiences.  On Friday, I was honored to officiate at John & Roberta's 17 year renewal of vows.  While I am always pleased to create a special ceremony, honoring peoples years together, in this case I believe I was truly graced; for John and Roberta's story reflects a deep commitment to each other and an example of what loving each other unconditionally really means. 

To say that their life has been difficult is an understatement, but through all of what they have endured, both together and alone, their love and acceptance of each other is a testament to the power and grace of love in action.  Congratulations to you Roberta and John, and thank-you for            
allowing me to celebrate with you!     

Over the past few weeks, I have been focused on catching up on all those things that were put aside for my vacation.  I have been very busy "doing" all that needed to be done in order to meet deadlines.  I have had little time to just sit and "be" (I know that is a lesson in and of itself).  I was becoming aware of an exhaustion creeping into my life and kept pushing it away; my mantra these past 4 days has been "I will take time tomorrow".  So while I am beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel, "tomorrow" seems like weeks away!  It wasn't until I received a call today from a friend of mine that I was pulled out of my "doing" and into being present.  She had called to ask me to include a close relative of her's in my prayers, her relative had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and was undergoing surgery tomorrow.  I got off the phone and sat for a few moments with this news.  Her call reminded me just how tentative our lives are, and how important it is to take time out to just "be".  How just 5 minutes of enjoying the connections we have and make with others, and/or enjoying the nature around us, renews and enlivens us.  So "tomorrow" is now today and I will take the next hour to simply appreciate all the blessings that are in my life!  Maybe you can join me....

As a wedding officiant and life celebrant, I discuss small details and logistics that can often disrupt a perfectly lovely ceremony.  My largest pet-peeve is cells phones and electronic devices that ring or vibrate (yes vibrations are heard!) during a ceremony.  I highly recommend to people that prior to the beginning of a service or ceremony, an announcement is made reminding people to turn off these devices. In my initial drafts of wedding ceremonies, baby blessings and memorial services, people can see how this is tastefully handled.  I do on occasion have people who are adamant about not wanting to make such an announcement, and so we do not. Inevitably, in these cases a device rings or vibrates at the most inopportune time, which was the case with wedding I officiated at this weekend, right before the vows, a cell phone rang, or should I say"played" a tune.   Previously we had discussed this announcement at length.  They assured me that no-one in their family would consider having a phone on. 

In the world we live in, cell phones and electronic devices have become second nature to us, like our arms or legs, we don't think about them.  It is never intentional that these are left on, but it is human nature, and while it disrupts the ceremony it also leaves the person who "forgot" embarrassed.  Ask your officiant or celebrant to make a tasteful announcement, and if you believe that your friends and family are different and don't need a reminder, you may wish to reconsider your logic.  Your insights are always welcome!

Over the past 10 days, I have been traveling in Denmark and Sweden in celebration of my husband's 60th year.  We have had a marvelous time visiting various places and just hanging out and observing the world go by.  We arrived in Copenhagen for the beginning of the 2nd annual World Outgames.  Being in a city where diversity is honored and celebrated was a perfect place to celebrate my husbands 60th!   We left Copenhagen and arrived in Stockholm, where the 1st day we came upon the "Stockholm Pride" Parade.  What we both noticed immediately about this parade was how many "public" agencies and officials participated; several units from the Armed Services, The Royal Guard, The Red Cross, The Police, Doctors and Nurses, The Royal Opera Company, and Amnesty International proudly took to the streets in support of the rights of the Gay, Lesbian & Transgender communities.  There are many things I love about being an American and living in the United States, and one day I hope we will see this support and inclusiveness throughout our Country! 

Outside of the couple getting married, there are two people who are essential in setting the tone for your wedding.  They are the DJ or Band and the Officiant.  Often, people book their DJ and Band quickly, but may not begin to search for their officiant until 6-8 months before the ceremony.  The officiant you select not only establishes the tone for the entire day, but helps you celebrate the uniqueness of who you are as individuals and as a couple.  Finding the right person is more than making a call to see if the date is available and asking what their fee is.  If you want a personalized and meaningful ceremony, you need to ensure that the person your select will work with you, honoring your beliefs and offering the flexibility you seek in designing your ceremony.  There are many questions to explore with the officiant, and ultimately you want to make sure there is a connection between the three of you that will add to the ceremony itself.  A good starting place as you begin this process is my article  Selecting a Wedding Officiant.    You may want to consider starting early, many of us, who create customized ceremonies, and establish strong relationships with our couples are booking well into 2010, and sometimes 2011.   Let me know any tips you may have!

As a relationship coach and wedding officiant, I often spend time with couples who hit snags as they approach their wedding day.  This is quite common as weddings, while an exciting time, also bring much stress.   Negotiating the wishes of families, friends, finances, and the couples own desires can be a tricky tightrope.  As well, the approaching commitment for life, can reveal hidden fears we did not know we had.  When a couple first begins to experience this, doubt can surface.  Thoughts can run the gamut of canceling the wedding or postponing it, to resolving what appears to be a riff between two people.  While often  "wedding planning" can bring this about, the truth is all couples will hit snags.

We bring all of who we are into a relationship; our history, our family of origin, our defenses as well as our longings,  hopes and dreams.  We project the good and the difficult onto our partners and then wonder why we may feel anxious and disappointed at times when our partners do not live up to our expectations.  When a couple first experiences this, I carefully inquire into each persons own history, beliefs, feelings and expectations.  I encourage both parties to look at themselves first, and not at their partners.  As we inquire into ourselves, we can begin to see patterns and defenses that we have used throughout our life to keep our souls safe.  These patterns and defenses were necessary as we negotiated our way from childhood to adulthood, but may no longer serve us.  In fact they may interfere with our capacity for intimacy. 

Relationships offer us a window into our own healing and souls journey.  To do this we must be courageous enough to actively explore and inquire into our experiences, looking at ourselves first. We can not change our partners, we can only accept responsibility for our own journey.  If we remain conscious and dedicated on this path, our own behavior changes because we begin to let go of defenses that no longer serve us.  This in turn changes the dynamics of the relationship.  As we become more open and vulnerable with our partners, as we respond with greater appreciation for the personal journey, our partners begin to shift how they respond to us.   When two embark upon this path together miracles occur! 

As a wedding officiant I attend many rehearsals and help all those involved in the wedding ceremony become comfortable with the processional, recessional and any mid ceremony participation.  Often when I speak to the parents, they are anticipating that they will sit on the side that their child is standing on.  While traditionally this is standard practice, I often recommend the opposite; that parents consider sitting opposite from their child.  This works out well as the couples I marry face each other, and as such, their parents would be looking at the back of their heads, not their face unless they switched where they sat!  So speak to your officiant, see how they will be positioning the couple and then request a different seating arrangement.  I have had several parents thank-me for this tip!

In my capacity of coach, counselor and officiant, I often notice how difficult it seems to balance all that we have on our plates.  I listen to people's yearning to be more at peace, more in touch with their inner witness and spirit, and to feel that they can balance their life differently.  While my life is less complicated than most, I have recently rediscovered the power of eliminating any electronic devices while I am driving.  Yes, that means turning off my cell phone, and mostly even my I-Pod music (although this is a bit harder for me!).  What I have noticed is that while I am clearly a safer driver on the road, bringing mindfulness to my driving by; focusing on the road, with my hands on the wheel and just driving, I actually feel more peaceful and spacious when I arrive at my destination.  This allows me to better negotiate all of what is presented to me with lightness and humor.  All of a sudden I realize I am happier, even when times might be difficult.  It actually feels to me that I am a lily on a pond!  So give it a try, even for a day, and share what you experience with us!

Over the past years, I have learned quite a bit about my personal drives and motivation in the relationship I have with my husband.  When we started our relationship over 10 years ago, I saw a person who I knew I could trust my heart with.  In the following years, as we grew and changed, some of what I thought was true about myself as well as him, was to be tested and challenged.  As we have gone through the good and the bad together, a lot of my original beliefs about what a healthy marriage "should" look like, and what my lovely husband "ought" to provide for my emotional health, as well as how I "should" take care of him in the role of wife, friend and lover, has shifted and changed.  Today, few of my original perspectives remain the same.  I know now, more than ever, that I can trust him with my heart, but our relationship has evolved, changed and  deepened in a way I would never have anticipated AND we are still a work in process.  All of which has caused me to become fascinated by other people's experience and learning's.  Today I invite you to be part of a newly launched project to help me explore how marriage and committed relationships change over time. On the initial phase of the project I am interested in your learning's and questions you might like to see explored.  You may participate by going to Sacred Spirit Sanctuary's Facebook Page. Thanks for joining the Relationship Project!

Want to have fun invitations that will have your guests smiling a year from now and have a positive impact on the environment?  Try using recycled paper that has flower seeds embedded into it.  Robin & Kenny, a couple I married last year, did precisely this.  Their invitations were both beautiful, environmentally friendly and had the lasting impact of reminding people a year later, when the flowers from the seeds bloomed, of their fun wedding day!  Greenfield Paper is the resource they used, and there are others listed if you do a google search.   Let me know what you discover!