As a wedding officiant I perform ceremonies at a variety of venues.  While I know that I have high expectations for places that host weddings and other events, my experience is that the coordinators at these venues can range from excellent to marginal in their coordination efforts and customer interface. 

Last weekend, I was at a venue that did not allow the florist, or any of the other vendors to have access to the site until 1 hour before the ceremony.  As the venue itself did not offer anything but basic set-up, had this couple not hired a "Day of Wedding Coordinator" the guests would have arrived and the site would not have been ready.  This particular wedding coordinator had the planning knowledge and experience to pull the site together so that the ceremony and day could begin on time and the day would run smoothly. 

This past weekend, I arrived at a site 30 minutes before the ceremony.  No chairs were set-up, and the coordinator was no where to be found.  I took it upon myself to ask one of the waitresses about the ceremony chairs, she said that chairs were not on the set-up sheet.  I explained that it must have been an oversight and asked if she could ensure that the chairs were put out quickly, which gratefully she did as guests were mulling about. 

Your wedding day and celebration is important, and while chairs are hardly a small detail, a professional wedding coordinator, not affiliated with your site, will ensure that your day runs smoothly and that the small details are tended to. My experience has taught me, that if you have it in your budget for a "Day of Wedding Coordinator" it is money well spent.

As a spiritual counselor and life coach, I am privileged to companion people along life's path. 
I have been honored to listen to their stories and provide support as they struggle to live from their hearts and make a difference in the world.  The other day, as I was thinking about how many of these people have touched my own heart and life, I decided that their stories were anything but ordinary.  These people exhibit courage, conviction and a passion for healing themselves, helping others and making the most of their lives; some under the most difficult circumstances.

In a world where so much struggle and strife exists, we are bombarded by all the negative stories about hard times, conflict between people, and the difficulties we are facing in our communities and the world at large.  Many of us may believe that it takes strong and powerful people to make a difference, and in this belief we miss out on how "we" as ordinary, simple people can contribute in a meaningful way.

As a way of celebrating and honoring the extraordinary moments and acts in our lives,  I am launching a weekly blog entry that focuses on one person's story.  These will appear, each Wednesday, starting on September 23rd.  I would love to hear your stories as well, so feel free to pass them along.  Names and any identifying details will only be used if I receive permission and the blog entry is approved by the person who it is written about.  Please join this celebration of courage and the extraordinary moments in our lives. 

You are planing your wedding, and want to incorporate chocolate in your ceremony because you met over chocolate;  but your wedding is outside in July, so you assume because of the heat that this won't work.  You love the outdoors, you and your partner hike, work in the soil, saw and stack wood together and you wonder if somehow you can bring this into your wedding ceremony with more than just words.  You are animal lovers and own a dog, you want him involved in the ceremony but do not believe this can happen.    As a wedding officiant and celebrant who creates customized ceremonies my response is-of course we can!   Wedding rituals are meaningful if they speak to your heart, reflect you story as a couple and honor that which you feel is important in your life.  They offer a rich way in which you can celebrate your passions, beliefs and values and also create new traditions for the future.  There are many lovely rituals that are steeped in tradition and used for wedding ceremonies, but you can also create your own.
Here are some quick tips: 

• Understand what the overall message you wish to relay through a ritual is - do you want to honor how you met? Are there important activities you do together that join your lives?  Do you have shared commitments that are important as you join together in marriage?  Do you wish to honor the community of people that are celebrating with you? Do you want the community to be actively involved in your ceremony?
• Whatever the overall message is, as you design your ritual keep it simple and clear. 
• Test out the ritual with others to see what works and what needs to be tweaked.
• Make sure there is an explanation of the ritual and the meaning it has for the two of you during the ceremony.

Two last hints: when you think you can't do something, or it won't work, turn these statements into questions and ask How might it work? What needs to happen for it to work and be included? 
Finally - Have fun!

As a life celebrant and minister, I officiate at many different types of celebrations and events.  I interface with many other professionals in ensuring that the details and day run smoothly.  At weddings, baby blessings and memorials, often a videographer is brought in to record the day.  While I have worked with several terrific videographers, this past weekend I had the unfortunate experience of working with one that created problems during a wedding ceremony. 
This particular person did not use a stationary camera, nor did they wire the groom for sound.  They were moving around quite a bit during the actual ceremony, both in front of the bride and groom and behind me.  During one of the rituals I had to actually ask him to move and I noticed on more than one occasion that the photographer was having a problem taking pictures because this person stepped into their camera's view. While ultimately I do not know the quality of the product produced, my experience with this videographer prompts me to offer the following helpful questions should you wish to incorporate videography at your wedding or celebration of any kind: 

Will they contact the other professionals involved ahead of time to discuss each others needs, including your celebrant or officiant?

Will they use at least 1 stationary camera, positioned in a manner that does not distract from the ceremony or interfere with other pictures?

If this is a wedding, do they have an approach for supplementing a stationary camera that will effectively capture what they need to without causing distraction?

Will they coordinate their efforts with the photographers so that both can do their jobs? 

Will they use wireless microphones, if necessary,  in a manner that will not cause audio interruption but will pick up the ceremony?

While it is helpful during weddings and celebratory events to hire a videographer who can blend in and be inconspicuous, this becomes even more important during a memorial service. While all of this may seem obvious to a professional, it is helpful to understand how the person you ar hiring will work with you.  Let me know if their are other questions you think should be asked.

As an officiant and celebrant, I meet with many couples to discuss the creation of personalized wedding ceremonies.  There is always such excitement about this, until we come to the vows.  It is then that I get terrified looks and comments like, "I wouldn't even know where to begin".  While ultimately I may write vows for couples, I encourage them to try it themselves as it will have greater meaning for them. 

Some couples need little guidance, but for the most part, the couples I work with are relieved when I tell them that I will send then what I call my "vow cheat sheet".  This is a very brief description of how to go about putting together vows, and then a select sampling of 8-12 vows that I cull out for them based upon my getting to know them.  From this selection, they will either find one they really like and "tweak"it to make it their own, or cut and paste from several of the ones that I carefully select for them.  There are times when couples send me a draft of there favorite sentiments, wording and phrases and then I smooth it out for them to ensure a nice flow of words. 

For those couples who want to start from scratch, I have put together a 4 step process that can be easily followed.  The important aspect to remember is that while vows are in fact serious, adding stress to the wedding planning process can be eliminated by simply beginning with what others have written. 

There are only so many ways, words and sentiments to discuss love and commitment.  If your officiant does not provide you with samples or you don't like what they have, get on line and do a search.  There are thousands of lovely vows already written that you can adapt, edit and cut and paste from.  Most importantly have fun!

Photography Courtesy of Cynthia R. Lang  860-953-2299

As a life celebrant, I help people honor and celebrate their relationships and life experiences.  On Friday, I was honored to officiate at John & Roberta's 17 year renewal of vows.  While I am always pleased to create a special ceremony, honoring peoples years together, in this case I believe I was truly graced; for John and Roberta's story reflects a deep commitment to each other and an example of what loving each other unconditionally really means. 

To say that their life has been difficult is an understatement, but through all of what they have endured, both together and alone, their love and acceptance of each other is a testament to the power and grace of love in action.  Congratulations to you Roberta and John, and thank-you for            
allowing me to celebrate with you!     

Over the past few weeks, I have been focused on catching up on all those things that were put aside for my vacation.  I have been very busy "doing" all that needed to be done in order to meet deadlines.  I have had little time to just sit and "be" (I know that is a lesson in and of itself).  I was becoming aware of an exhaustion creeping into my life and kept pushing it away; my mantra these past 4 days has been "I will take time tomorrow".  So while I am beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel, "tomorrow" seems like weeks away!  It wasn't until I received a call today from a friend of mine that I was pulled out of my "doing" and into being present.  She had called to ask me to include a close relative of her's in my prayers, her relative had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and was undergoing surgery tomorrow.  I got off the phone and sat for a few moments with this news.  Her call reminded me just how tentative our lives are, and how important it is to take time out to just "be".  How just 5 minutes of enjoying the connections we have and make with others, and/or enjoying the nature around us, renews and enlivens us.  So "tomorrow" is now today and I will take the next hour to simply appreciate all the blessings that are in my life!  Maybe you can join me....

As a wedding officiant and life celebrant, I discuss small details and logistics that can often disrupt a perfectly lovely ceremony.  My largest pet-peeve is cells phones and electronic devices that ring or vibrate (yes vibrations are heard!) during a ceremony.  I highly recommend to people that prior to the beginning of a service or ceremony, an announcement is made reminding people to turn off these devices. In my initial drafts of wedding ceremonies, baby blessings and memorial services, people can see how this is tastefully handled.  I do on occasion have people who are adamant about not wanting to make such an announcement, and so we do not. Inevitably, in these cases a device rings or vibrates at the most inopportune time, which was the case with wedding I officiated at this weekend, right before the vows, a cell phone rang, or should I say"played" a tune.   Previously we had discussed this announcement at length.  They assured me that no-one in their family would consider having a phone on. 

In the world we live in, cell phones and electronic devices have become second nature to us, like our arms or legs, we don't think about them.  It is never intentional that these are left on, but it is human nature, and while it disrupts the ceremony it also leaves the person who "forgot" embarrassed.  Ask your officiant or celebrant to make a tasteful announcement, and if you believe that your friends and family are different and don't need a reminder, you may wish to reconsider your logic.  Your insights are always welcome!

Over the past 10 days, I have been traveling in Denmark and Sweden in celebration of my husband's 60th year.  We have had a marvelous time visiting various places and just hanging out and observing the world go by.  We arrived in Copenhagen for the beginning of the 2nd annual World Outgames.  Being in a city where diversity is honored and celebrated was a perfect place to celebrate my husbands 60th!   We left Copenhagen and arrived in Stockholm, where the 1st day we came upon the "Stockholm Pride" Parade.  What we both noticed immediately about this parade was how many "public" agencies and officials participated; several units from the Armed Services, The Royal Guard, The Red Cross, The Police, Doctors and Nurses, The Royal Opera Company, and Amnesty International proudly took to the streets in support of the rights of the Gay, Lesbian & Transgender communities.  There are many things I love about being an American and living in the United States, and one day I hope we will see this support and inclusiveness throughout our Country! 

Outside of the couple getting married, there are two people who are essential in setting the tone for your wedding.  They are the DJ or Band and the Officiant.  Often, people book their DJ and Band quickly, but may not begin to search for their officiant until 6-8 months before the ceremony.  The officiant you select not only establishes the tone for the entire day, but helps you celebrate the uniqueness of who you are as individuals and as a couple.  Finding the right person is more than making a call to see if the date is available and asking what their fee is.  If you want a personalized and meaningful ceremony, you need to ensure that the person your select will work with you, honoring your beliefs and offering the flexibility you seek in designing your ceremony.  There are many questions to explore with the officiant, and ultimately you want to make sure there is a connection between the three of you that will add to the ceremony itself.  A good starting place as you begin this process is my article  Selecting a Wedding Officiant.    You may want to consider starting early, many of us, who create customized ceremonies, and establish strong relationships with our couples are booking well into 2010, and sometimes 2011.   Let me know any tips you may have!