As a relationship coach and wedding officiant, I often spend time with couples who hit snags as they approach their wedding day. This is quite common as weddings, while an exciting time, also bring much stress. Negotiating the wishes of families, friends, finances, and the couples own desires can be a tricky tightrope. As well, the approaching commitment for life, can reveal hidden fears we did not know we had. When a couple first begins to experience this, doubt can surface. Thoughts can run the gamut of canceling the wedding or postponing it, to resolving what appears to be a riff between two people. While often "wedding planning" can bring this about, the truth is all couples will hit snags.We bring all of who we are into a relationship; our history, our family of origin, our defenses as well as our longings, hopes and dreams. We project the good and the difficult onto our partners and then wonder why we may feel anxious and disappointed at times when our partners do not live up to our expectations. When a couple first experiences this, I carefully inquire into each persons own history, beliefs, feelings and expectations. I encourage both parties to look at themselves first, and not at their partners. As we inquire into ourselves, we can begin to see patterns and defenses that we have used throughout our life to keep our souls safe. These patterns and defenses were necessary as we negotiated our way from childhood to adulthood, but may no longer serve us. In fact they may interfere with our capacity for intimacy.
Relationships offer us a window into our own healing and souls journey. To do this we must be courageous enough to actively explore and inquire into our experiences, looking at ourselves first. We can not change our partners, we can only accept responsibility for our own journey. If we remain conscious and dedicated on this path, our own behavior changes because we begin to let go of defenses that no longer serve us. This in turn changes the dynamics of the relationship. As we become more open and vulnerable with our partners, as we respond with greater appreciation for the personal journey, our partners begin to shift how they respond to us. When two embark upon this path together miracles occur!

In my capacity of coach, counselor and officiant, I often notice how difficult it seems to balance all that we have on our plates. I listen to people's yearning to be more at peace, more in touch with their inner witness and spirit, and to feel that they can balance their life differently. While my life is less complicated than most, I have recently rediscovered the power of eliminating any electronic devices while I am driving. Yes, that means turning off my cell phone, and mostly even my I-Pod music (although this is a bit harder for me!). What I have noticed is that while I am clearly a safer driver on the road, bringing mindfulness to my driving by; focusing on the road, with my hands on the wheel and just driving, I actually feel more peaceful and spacious when I arrive at my destination. This allows me to better negotiate all of what is presented to me with lightness and humor. All of a sudden I realize I am happier, even when times might be difficult. It actually feels to me that I am a lily on a pond! So give it a try, even for a day, and share what you experience with us!
Want to have fun invitations that will have your guests smiling a year from now and have a positive impact on the environment? Try using recycled paper that has flower seeds embedded into it. Robin & Kenny, a couple I married last year, did precisely this. Their invitations were both beautiful, environmentally friendly and had the lasting impact of reminding people a year later, when the flowers from the seeds bloomed, of their fun wedding day!
Saturday I had the pleasure of officiating at Greg & Marta's wedding. As a Wedding Officiant, I travel to many venues and interact with the staff on site. Greg & Marta's wedding was held at
As a Celebrant, I encourage people to use music to help establish a mood and set an overall tone for any celebration or life tribute they are planning. The right choice of music can open people's heart and help them be present to the moment. Often I get asked, where do I begin? To start, what is the overall tone you wish to set? Is it intimate? fun? serious? joyous? You may even find that you want to start out with one mood and end with a different one. Once you have a clear sense of this, think about all your favorite music. If you are planning a tribute or remembrance, think about the person you are honoring, did they have favorite music? If not start listening. The web is a great source of possibilities. Visit musicians websites, they usually have great samplers! If you google "ceremony musicians" you will have a wonderful selection to choose from. Or you can always begin by visiting my dear friend 

This is the time of year as a wedding officiant and celebrant, I begin sitting with people who are planning their weddings for next year. While some couples I speak to have hired some of their vendors, I find that many have not yet located the right photographer, DJ, or Day of Wedding Coordinator. In these cases, I offer personal referrals to professionals I have worked with that I believe are tops in their field. My criteria is their professionalism, their ability to listen to the individual needs of my couples, their ability to proactively work with other vendors, and their knowledge of what it takes, down to the smallest detail, of making sure the ceremony and wedding celebration is smooth and seamless. Referrals from someone you trust is a good way to ensure that you are getting the right person for your special day. If your officiant does not have referrals that they would for their own day, if they don't "rave" about whose card or name they are giving you, keep looking. The preliminary leg work will pay off on your big day!
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