For the first time in the "The Knot's Best Pick Award" history, they have  added the Officiant and Celebrant category and it is with great joy and gratitude to all the couples I have worked with, that I am pleased to have received the Knot's  Best Pick of 2011 and The Editors Choice Award for the Boston Officiant and Celebrant category. 

This is an award that I share with all the couples who have valued the specialness of creating a relationship with me.  From this connection we have co-created meaningful, fun and unique wedding ceremonies that honor and celebrate the joy of marriage,  partnership and relationships with family and friends.  Thank you all for your trust, friendship and help in allowing me to do what I love!


Peace & blessings,
LisaAnn

Congratulations, you are getting married and planning one of the most important days of your life.  You have the date and the venue and you begin to look for someone to marry you and before you know it you are lost in trying to discern the differences of just who can marry you in Massachusetts!  So here it is in an easy to understand breakdown for you:

• Justice of the Peace: A JP is an appointed position through the Governors Counsel in Massachusetts for a period of 7 years and fees for services are regulated by the State.  Depending upon the JP you speak to and your wedding location they start with a regulated "flat fee" to this they can add additional fees for pre-marital interviews, planning sessions, rehearsals, travel and even customization of a ceremony, (i.e. there are JP's that actually may charge for the adding of a ritual).  By law they are required to put in writing all their fees that you will be assessed.  Usually (but not always) the ceremony is a standard civil ceremony which is then tailored to your specific information.  Some JP's are also members of the clergy.  If this is the case they may offer other services but be clear about the capacity in which they are solemnizing your wedding license.   If they are signing as a "JP" then their fees need to be reflective of this.
• Member's of the Clergy affiliated with a religious house of worship (temple, church, sanga mosque, etc.): Usually there is a recommended donation to the place of worship.  Ceremonies are designed to honor specific traditions, tenets and dogma.  They are more ritualized and adhere to a particular order of ceremony.  While there is definitely customization, the amount of this depends upon the individual clergy.
• Members of Clergy and Celebrants who are not affiliated with a specific house of worship:  Ministers, Non-denominational Ministers, Interfaith Ministers, Unitarian Universalist Ministers, Humanistic Ministers and Celebrants all fall into this category.  There are a wide array of services from a simple basic ceremony using a "template" to a fully customized ceremony in which each part of the ceremony is designed for you.  Each of us has our own style and willingness to spend time with you and allow you to be be part of the creative process.  Make sure you understand the process and willingness to work with you until the ceremony is what you want.   Fee's can generally range from $300 - $1200 and often reflect the time an officiant is willing to commit to the design process.  Read their testimonials and ask for references if no testimonials are available.  Again, make sure all agreements are in writing so you understand what the total cost will be.
• Anyone you designate:  A friend or family member who is of legal age can solemnize a wedding in Massachusetts as long as they apply for a 1 day designation.    If you decide to go this route...please read my blog entry, "Should a Friend or Family Member Officiate at your Wedding" from May 22, 2009

I hope this helps.  Now that you understand the differences you can intelligently put together questions that are important to you as you begin to search for your wedding officiant.  There are no wrong choices, the most important aspect is that you feel comfortable and connected with the person that will be marrying you.  If you haven't already done so feel free to read my article on selecting a wedding officiant.

 

Chris and Erin were married in the "Wintergarden" at Seaport’s World Trade Center in Boston.   As their Officiant, the three of us spent a great deal of time with each other, starting with an initial meeting and then an intimate day with each other as I facilitated the creation of their marriage vision.  

As we began to design the actual ceremony itself, we discussed the importance of it being a true reflection all aspects of their relationship including their vision and commitment to a lifetime partnership that was supportive, serious, adventurous, fun and laughter filled.  The final ceremony was intimate, sweet and meaningful.

On the day of the wedding I arrived at Erin's room to check in before the ceremony.  She said she needed to show me something that would make me laugh.  She pulled out these big pink sunglasses, and yes I laughed..because almost at the beginning of their vows was a line that was so reflective of  them ..."I vow to wear big sunglasses, and never take myself too seriously."

As we discussed when she was going to bring these out, I joked about doing so right before their vows and Erin loved it!  So at the appropriate time, right as I was introducing the vows I pulled these glasses out from under a table, spoke a few unrehearsed words and Chris and Erin burst out laughing, as did their loving community!  

While it might be a bit odd for some, this was ideal for them and after much laughter, the glasses were removed and Chris and Erin proceeded to exchange their vows and rings.  The ceremony concluded on a more eloquent note as the Unity Candle was lit and a final blessing offered.    Congratulations Chris and Erin!  I look forward to many years of laughter and friendship with you!   Picture courtesy of Studio Noir

As a life celebrant who officiates at weddings, baby blessings, memorials and many other life events throughout Boston and Massachusetts, I am often asked for recommendations regarding a gathering place.  Mostly, the people who I work with are looking for a location that is easy to find, has warmth and a bit of character, can handle small groups of 4 up to larger groups up to 150 people and has a staff that's attentive.  Look no further:
The Sherborn Inn, located on Rt. 27 in Sherborn, (near Natick Center), is all you can hope for and more!

I love this location so much I will be participating at their first annual Bridal Show on Sunday November 14 from 11:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m.  Come see for yourself and stop bye and say hello!

It is no mystery to anyone that knows me why I love the work that I do.  Whether the occasions are happy or sad I am always so blessed to work with people who truly want to honor and celebrate their lives. 

This is true of Mike & Helen, who contacted me to discuss a renewal of vows for their 20th anniversary.   For them, it was important that they honored the years of growing with each other, their children and their unwavering commitment to work on their relationship with compassion, a zest for life, humor and grace.   As we began to co-create their ceremony, we explored many possibilities, looked at the rituals that their family had created, the spiritual concepts they lived by, their values and how these translated into their daily lives. All of which was incorporated into a unique renewal ceremony.


Held at the Emerson Inn in Rockport,  their celebration began by collecting rocks and seashells in the morning.  These were carried to the ceremony site and used to complete the circle, behind were I stood.  
The ceremony opened with a welcoming,  a blessing and a personal reflection about Mike and Helen's connection and relationship. 

We rededicated and blessed their wedding bands and began the Celtic ritual of handfasting (above), the binding together of hands, symbolic of the binding together of their hearts, minds and souls.

As a couple it was important for Mike & Helen to acknowledge the special gifts and talents that each of their children contributed to the family and the ways they all support each other.  As this was done, we incorporated a sweet family ritual in which each person had written a personal note, sealed it in a small vial and attached it to a balloon.  These balloons were then released and allowed to soar up and away across the ocean...and they did just that!

I am so grateful that Helen and Mike found me and I am happy to call them part of my life now!  Congratulations Helen & Mike and may the next 20 years be as rich and vibrant as the past 20!
Love to all,
LisaAnn
 

My husband and I are taking some time this lovely fall season for a bit of R&R.  As with most of our private alone time, we decompress, take long walks, bike rides and spend much time in philosophical dialogue.  This morning as we were on the deck watching the wind blow through the grass and drinking our coffee, we spoke about the power of language and how it creates a personal reality different from any other individual. 

The simple fact is, nothing exists until we cognitively acknowledge it.  This usually takes the form of naming it, finding words to put to the sensations we know as our "feelings" and creating our reality (some people call this their "truth").   This becomes an interesting perspective for me especially as I apply it to relationships (my favorite inquiry topic!).

I have learned words and language from my culture, family of origin, spiritual leanings, learning style, etc.  As I relate to others, my reality and theirs, are informed by the various influences and ways we ascribe meaning to language and words.  This either brings us into alignment or potentially leads to conflict.  It is when I understand this that the opportunity for enrichment growth, connection and intimacy dramatically increases. 

In the personal work my husband and I engage in, we have found that some of our most disparate positions are actually quite similar.  We simply were speaking a different language, with each word carrying it's own nuance!   A recent example of this occurred as we began exploring his upcoming retirement.  Over several weeks I noticed that he was becoming a bit more panicked about my expectations.   Somehow in the words and tone I used, his reality was..."she is going to try and control everything I do!"  When finally he came back at me, using his personal style to establish clear boundaries...I became upset that he didn't see the opportunity I saw.  From this I quickly created the reality that and he didn't want to spend additional time with me and because of me was dreaded retiring...yes and I did become a bit despondent.  Never one to directly speak about my disappointments (a skill I am learning), I simply withdrew and became more and more distant...driving him to think I didn't want to be with him.   Not a pleasant place for either of us to be!  Clearly we had conflict, hurt feelings and a different view of our hopes and dreams...or maybe not. 

As we both began to took a step back, each trying to put ourselves in the others shoes, we were able to see how a word or phrase triggered a different reality for us.  Using a form of intentional dialogue, we discovered that underneath the words we used was our desire to be loved and wanted as we maintained our autonomy.    Both of us are indeed excited by the possibilities of spending more time together as we enter a new phase of our life. 

The next time you are feeling hurt or misunderstood, take a breathe and a step back and try to see what he/she might be hearing.  A simple word that is clear to you might be creating an entirely different reality for the other person. 

As a celebrant, I encourage the couples I work with to fully be themselves and to enjoy their ceremony.  Catie and Pete listened very carefully to this tip when, after they processed down the aisle, immediately went directly to the KISS!  They were so excited to be getting married, they were absolutely themselves!  We all laughed and any nervousness disappeared into a wisp of air. 

Their ceremony was an intimate one, filled with family and friends offering their intentions and blessings which were written on stones and included in a lovely water ceremony.  The first reading was perfect for them as it was actually an analogy of marriage and bicycle riding..leading to much laughter.  Catie's brother and sister shared a special song, and I wrote a personal and special reflection for them, which I must admit I shed a few tears through! 

Throughout the ceremony, Catie, Pete, their family and their friends laughed, cried, and enjoyed themselves as they witnessed, celebrated and honored the joining of their lives in marriage. 

I have loved working with them and know that we will forever remain in each others hearts!  Congratulations Catie & Pete may you continue to be fully yourself and enjoy each day of your lives.

In my own life and the work I do with others as a relationship coach,  I am consistently reminded of the changing nature of our lives and our own personal growth.  It requires a conscious effort to remain connected to our own growth and that of those with love...looking with a "beginner's mind" at who we are waking up with and going to sleep with.    The most profound commitment we can make to another is that of constancy.  Constancy of our presence and constancy of an open and loving heart.  It is our ability to bear witness to our own and our beloved's changing self, with a compassionate presence, that allows for miracles to appear in our lives.  So today, take a moment and celebrate and marvel in the newness in your beloved and yourself!

As a wedding officiant who focuses on meaningful and customized wedding ceremonies, I spend a great deal of time writing reflections for couples.  This is not necessarily a quick process.  Often I need to be still to uncover the words or metaphors that will capture what I sense about two people and their relationship.  It is in these moments of silence that a new "phrase" or concept will emerge that I have not explored before.  This happened during the last few weeks and I have been exploring it ever since! The metaphor that came through me was: "Artisan's of Relationship".  This felt quite powerful, for Artisans are "workers" who have a passion for their art...whether it be writing, weaving, painting, carpentry, engineering, etc.  They apprentice, study, and acquire great skill at their craft as they learn to be masters, and in the process create works that support, enhance, enrich and nourish our lives.  For those of us who have become artisans of our relationships, this is our sacred journey in life...to work, study and perfect our craft.  It is an ever unfolding journey that heals our lives.   The next inquiry for me: How do I live as an Artisan, and in what ways do I abandon my craft?  Please share your thoughts!

So you are about to look for an officiant who will truly customize your ceremony.  You have your list of questions you are going to ask, and a list of several possible officiants to work with.  The real question is...how will you know if the person you work with will really customize your ceremony and will pay attention to the small details that ensure your ceremony runs smoothly?

While all the questions you may have written down give you answers, and you will have a "gut" feel, my recommendation as an officiant who works throughout Boston and Massachusetts and hears many many stories is...do your homework. 

Ask the person you are considering using if you can speak to a few couples they have worked with.  Ask those couples what they liked and what they would change about the process.  Did they feel that their ceremony was unique, meaningful and special.  Ask them if they had fun with their officiant in the process.   If your perspective officiant is not comfortable with providing real referrals other than the testimonials on their site, this might be a red flag. 

If in your initial meetings with an officiant, he/she does not discuss how they may work with other vendors...make sure you ask.  A good question might be...Do you, ahead of time, provide a ceremony outline to the musician, photographer, videographer, on-site coordinator and any other professionals you may be working with.  If the answer is not normally, it is a strong hint that the small details may be missed.  When checking with other couples verify that this actually was done for them.

The person you select to create a unique and meaningful wedding ceremony is one of the most important decisions you will make for your wedding day...do your homework and make sure the person you find to work with is the perfect choice for you.