My husband and I are taking some time this lovely fall season for a bit of R&R.  As with most of our private alone time, we decompress, take long walks, bike rides and spend much time in philosophical dialogue.  This morning as we were on the deck watching the wind blow through the grass and drinking our coffee, we spoke about the power of language and how it creates a personal reality different from any other individual. 

The simple fact is, nothing exists until we cognitively acknowledge it.  This usually takes the form of naming it, finding words to put to the sensations we know as our "feelings" and creating our reality (some people call this their "truth").   This becomes an interesting perspective for me especially as I apply it to relationships (my favorite inquiry topic!).

I have learned words and language from my culture, family of origin, spiritual leanings, learning style, etc.  As I relate to others, my reality and theirs, are informed by the various influences and ways we ascribe meaning to language and words.  This either brings us into alignment or potentially leads to conflict.  It is when I understand this that the opportunity for enrichment growth, connection and intimacy dramatically increases. 

In the personal work my husband and I engage in, we have found that some of our most disparate positions are actually quite similar.  We simply were speaking a different language, with each word carrying it's own nuance!   A recent example of this occurred as we began exploring his upcoming retirement.  Over several weeks I noticed that he was becoming a bit more panicked about my expectations.   Somehow in the words and tone I used, his reality was..."she is going to try and control everything I do!"  When finally he came back at me, using his personal style to establish clear boundaries...I became upset that he didn't see the opportunity I saw.  From this I quickly created the reality that and he didn't want to spend additional time with me and because of me was dreaded retiring...yes and I did become a bit despondent.  Never one to directly speak about my disappointments (a skill I am learning), I simply withdrew and became more and more distant...driving him to think I didn't want to be with him.   Not a pleasant place for either of us to be!  Clearly we had conflict, hurt feelings and a different view of our hopes and dreams...or maybe not. 

As we both began to took a step back, each trying to put ourselves in the others shoes, we were able to see how a word or phrase triggered a different reality for us.  Using a form of intentional dialogue, we discovered that underneath the words we used was our desire to be loved and wanted as we maintained our autonomy.    Both of us are indeed excited by the possibilities of spending more time together as we enter a new phase of our life. 

The next time you are feeling hurt or misunderstood, take a breathe and a step back and try to see what he/she might be hearing.  A simple word that is clear to you might be creating an entirely different reality for the other person. 

Ah...it appears I have taken quite a long pause in writing my blog.  How quickly time moves!  Well I am now back again ready to share fun wedding stories, inspirational thoughts and my personal journey!  I start with a note of gratitude.  The picture in this blog is part of a series that my dear friend Steve Kimball of Kimball Photography took as I was looking to update some of my marketing material.  Steve is someone I refer quite a few people too but I never considered just how much fun he was to work with. 

I am not one to have my picture taken.  Believe it or not I am a bit shy and yes, critical of how I look in pictures.  From the moment I arrived at Steve's studio, he had me laughing and part of the creative process.  No stress and no worries that I would look awful.  He even applied a light powder on my nose so I didn't shine! 

The photo's he took are definitely a true reflection of my spirit and essence, without much "posing".  So thank you Steve for doing such a wonderful job you are truly a blessing in my life!    If interested in seeing Steve's work, please visit his website at Steve Kimball Photography.

I will be back shortly with a wedding story! 

Peace and Blessings,
 LisaAnn

Today is a day that even though cloudy and rainy is a celebration for me...and while I don't often share such things on my blog,  I am daring to publicly celebrate the entry into my 55th year! 

This is indeed momentous for  a) I never thought I would live this long (when you are in your teens or early twenties this feels ancient!)  and b) I could not have imagined feeling more alive than in my younger years. 

Yet here I am...hitting the double nickel and so excited to be "in life", healthy, in love and looking forward to continued growth and learning as I stretch myself beyond what I think possible. 

Aging is what happens to us all, every minute, hour and day.  While we might try to fight the outer signs of it...or resist letting anyone know we are really "that age", the fact is the alternative to aging is not something I wish to embrace!   Instead I embrace this glorious process with awe and amusement as I celebrate and honor all the years I have lived, the lessons I have learned, and hope for many years to follow.

A tidbit..for those who do not know, from a mystical perspective the number 5 (a prime number) is about balance, perseverance and transformation.  The doubling of this is a twofold blessing for when doubled...5+5 = 10, distilled down to the number 1, which is representative of my core essence...and given the double 5's...the transformation and balance that will emerge is sure to be profound! 

So I offer the possibility that each of us can shed the resistance to aging, embracing our blessings as we celebrate and honor our lives with each entry into a new year.

In my own life and the work I do with others as a relationship coach,  I am consistently reminded of the changing nature of our lives and our own personal growth.  It requires a conscious effort to remain connected to our own growth and that of those with love...looking with a "beginner's mind" at who we are waking up with and going to sleep with.    The most profound commitment we can make to another is that of constancy.  Constancy of our presence and constancy of an open and loving heart.  It is our ability to bear witness to our own and our beloved's changing self, with a compassionate presence, that allows for miracles to appear in our lives.  So today, take a moment and celebrate and marvel in the newness in your beloved and yourself!

In the work I do as a relationship, life coach and celebrant, I am always in awe of the potential created when we meet each other at the level of the heart.  Our heart connections offer us amazing possibilities for personal growth, experiencing the world and expanding our potential to positively impact others. 

We can often forget in the busy days of our lives to celebrate how a friend or loved one has changed our world.  So today I offer a lovely reminder in a quote by Anais Nin:

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world of possibility not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."  

If we can pause today and take a moment to acknowledge, honor and celebrate this with that special someone...be it friend, lover, companion, parent or teacher, we will actively nurture our hearts and souls. 

As a wedding officiant who focuses on meaningful and customized wedding ceremonies, I spend a great deal of time writing reflections for couples.  This is not necessarily a quick process.  Often I need to be still to uncover the words or metaphors that will capture what I sense about two people and their relationship.  It is in these moments of silence that a new "phrase" or concept will emerge that I have not explored before.  This happened during the last few weeks and I have been exploring it ever since! The metaphor that came through me was: "Artisan's of Relationship".  This felt quite powerful, for Artisans are "workers" who have a passion for their art...whether it be writing, weaving, painting, carpentry, engineering, etc.  They apprentice, study, and acquire great skill at their craft as they learn to be masters, and in the process create works that support, enhance, enrich and nourish our lives.  For those of us who have become artisans of our relationships, this is our sacred journey in life...to work, study and perfect our craft.  It is an ever unfolding journey that heals our lives.   The next inquiry for me: How do I live as an Artisan, and in what ways do I abandon my craft?  Please share your thoughts!

Emily Dickinson once wrote,

"If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain."

As I came upon this the other day, I was reminded that in a world so troubled, the smallest kindness can make such a profound difference.  Sometimes we forget that we can have an impact in a troubled world, but as Emily Dickinson so eloquently wrote, offering comfort and help to one person or living thing gives our life meaning and helps to heal the world. 

Peace and Blessings and may you pass a kindness or offer comfort onto another this week.

I came across this quote this morning; I paused, closed my eyes, took a deep breath in and allowed the words to seep into my being...when I opened my eyes a few moments later, I realized I felt softer and lighter.  I am not sure what it was I let go of in that moment, but ever since I have been smiling and feeling as if life is easier.  In this, I am celebrating the very life, that while fragile, is also wonderful and blessed.  So I share it with you and offer up the possibility to be grateful and celebrate this moment and day!

My good friend Deb came across this cartoon while she was on her spiritual thirst for knowledge.  Deb and I are soul sisters and we are both quite serious about self discovery, healing, our spiritual paths and serving others. 

We share this commitment with many people.  At the heart of all of us is a desire to heal, be whole and help others.  This cartoon is a terrific reminder that we can also approach life with too much seriousness, loosing track of the the capacity to bring lightness into our lives. 

So I include it today with a gentle reminder to us all to "lighten-up" as life will unfold organically and naturally if we can let go of the "doing" and "needing to get somewhere" and engage in the "being".

Thanks Deb for this terrific reminder.  For anyone interested in Deb's writings or work as a healer, visit her site

"The Goal of life is to die young - as late as possible. "

I came across this provocative quote in my travels, and as a person in a specific age group than I do not care to reveal, I must admit I totally agree!  Chronologically we are all going to grow older...the alternative is not a welcome thought by most of us, so why not do so with grace, enjoyment and a mindset that the possibilities that lie ahead are abundant.

Okay, I confess, I am going to be 55 in a few months, but I don't feel "old" or even "middle age".  Rather I feel blessed and excited each day I wake that I am healthy, strong, in love and filled with wisdom from years of experience.   This experience only came with age, and  allows me to focus on what is truly important, while not getting caught up worrying about the small stuff.  I may have my difficult days, where I am a bit sad, or tired, but in general it is my mind and heart that propels me to live each day to the fullest. 

When I was in my teens and twenties, I didn't necessarily do this in a conscious way.  It takes self love and conscious intention to accept all of who we are in the moment, with our limitations and our talents.  It is merely our thoughts that prevent us from remaining young at heart no matter what our age is.  So today I offer the possibility, that wherever you are in life, you can always remain young at heart and like the sunflowers, be upright and happy!