On October 1, 1997 Bob Curley's life would be shattered.  On this day, Bob's son Jeffrey was abducted and brutally murdered in a case that would shock and traumatize a family, a community and re-kindle a renewed effort to reinstate the death penalty in Massachusetts.  Bob became an outspoken advocate and lobbyist, committing himself to having death penalty legislation passed as he struggled to understand his son's murder and to deal with his own rage, pain and suffering.

This is not a story of support or opposition of the death penalty.  It is a recognition of the extraordinary journey that Bob Curley embarked upon as he searched his heart for his own personal reconciliation while trying to move through his rage and the range of emotions he and his family were feeling.

Bob's search into his heart and soul and his questioning of the rightfulness of the death penalty he was advocating, began after an interaction with Bud Welch.  Bud's daughter was killed in the Oklahoma City bombing and while he also had his own share of grief and anger, opposed the execution of the bomber, Timothy McVeigh.  This encounter had a profound impact on Bob, who gradually over time, would question all that he held as true, fair and "just" and shift his position to opposing capital punishment. 

I had the privilege of hearing Bob speak briefly this past weekend, and I was struck by Bob's capacity; in all his suffering, and anger; to have the courage to take such an extraordinary journey. 

Bob's journey began with a horrible and violent act that many of us will gratefully never experience.  What we can take away from Bob's story is the inspiration to question that which we believe is right or true, what we believe is fair or just, our "shoulds" in our lives.  I think about the shifts in my own life, when I have had the courage to question my own beliefs and comfort zones.  It is during these times of questioning that I have had my greatest growth and healing of my heart.

If you are interested in learning more about Bob's journey, Brian MacQuarrie has chronicled his story in a book called "The Ride". 

Last weekend, my husband and I attended a small gathering of a local Amnesty International Group.  While we were expecting to meet interesting people and to learn more about the local group,  I was not expecting my heart to be touched so deeply, nor to be inspired to act. 

During this meeting I listened to a woman speak about her experience as a political prisoner in Burma serving what was suppose to be quite a long sentence.  (As there is reason for her to maintain a low profile, her name and other identifying info will be omitted).  As a prisoner, her only outside contact was with her parents who were able to visit her for 15 minutes each month.    She had no access to news or any information regarding the world, her community, or the efforts by Amnesty and another organization to free her.   

Over several visits with her parents she learned about the efforts of individuals, from different countries and backgrounds who banned together to try and win her release.  After her birthday one year, her parents told her that hundreds of people came together to celebrate her birthday, life and honor her work.    This was quite astonishing to her, that people actually traveled from around the world to attend a birthday party for her!  After many years, all the efforts payed off, and she was released.

When asked what kept her going all those years, she said that it was knowing that ordinary people; people she had never met; cared about her and took the time to write letters, make calls and celebrate her life.  That in the solitary confinement of the prison, she felt in her heart that her life mattered and it provided her with strength to keep herself alive.

Ordinary people, taking moments or an hour of their time to respond to a crisis, or to provide humanitarian support may feel like a "drop in the bucket" in the moment, but the cumulative response and what gets set in motion, has a rippling effect we may never comprehend.  For this particular prisoner, it provided her with hope and meaning, that regardless of the outcome, her life was important and her spirit could not be imprisoned.

It is not in my nature to "join" a group, or even a cause.  I usually keep to the edges of any efforts, providing support in a nondescript manner.  This weekend caused me to question my comfort zone.  As a result, I decided to  step-up and join this local group, because I now believe that any small effort, combined with many people, can have an extraordinary impact.

A secondary note:  this happens to be the 8th story, which in and of itself represents the infinity symbol pictures here (an eight turned on it's side).  Our lives may be finite, but the impact of every action, thought and deed is infinite.

I am a cat lover.  I have three who have been my companions for over 10 years, and to say I am attached to them is an understatement.  Rufina, my youngest of the three, was diagnosed 4 years ago with cancer.  We were able to remove her spleen and the prognosis was great.  About 8 months ago, she became sick again and while we have been able to relieve many of her symptoms, her time with us is limited.  I have been struggling with this because quite frankly, she doesn't look or act sick, and unlike any of the other cats I have had, who gave me no reason to doubt that the right thing to do was to allow them a peaceful passage, Rufina is tearing at my heart.  Last week, I called for an emergency appointment and as my veterinarian was not at the clinic, I saw Dr. Jan. 

Dr. Jan spent a great deal of time with us, but what I am most grateful for, is her presence and compassionate honesty.  She was never distracted, looked me in the eye and shared in my grief.  In the 1/2 hour I spent with her, her presence allowed me to move from distress and anxiety to acceptance of the inevitable and the confidence that I would be able to know when the time was right to let Rufina go.  It is never easy being the bearer of difficult news.  Yet in this moment, Dr. Jan's gift to me was her extraordinary ability to meet me in my pain without trying to fix me or make me feel better. 

Our lives are filled with difficult moments, and the ability to meet someone exactly where they are, without judgment or attempting to "make it better", allows us to heal and move through our lives with a bit more ease and hope, even in the difficult times.  Thank-you Dr. Jan for the blessings of your presence and compassion.  Today, Rufina is having a good day!

My husband is an ordinary man who works each day, struggles with his own life issues, tries to be a good parent and husband and is dedicated to his Zen practice.  On a day to day basis, he may not do anything extraordinary but this should not be confused with how much he may be valued or how he has impacted someone's life-in this case mine. 

When I first met Jamie, as with all couples, we spoke about our dreams, hopes and wishes.  We encouraged each other to take steps along life's path that would allow each of us to live a more vibrant, loving and compassionate life.  And while for some couples, these conversations fade over time or get lost in the day to day living of life, Jamie has never underestimated my desire to learn, grow, be challenged, and to find work that allowed me to live from my passion. 

Over the past thirteen years, he has provided me with an extraordinary gift;  he has given me the space, emotional and financial support and encouragement to pursue my dreams and live my passion.  While the path has at times taken me away from him, or caused us to experience tension in our marriage; he has been steadfast in his belief of me, us and our life together.   All of which has allowed me to stand in the world unafraid to be the person that I truly am.  From this solid state of being, I am able to help others honor and celebrate their lives.   

For many of us, we live our lives within a daily structure we are familiar with and do not speak about the profound impact someone may have on our lives. The simple fact for me is that Jamie's generosity of spirit, heart and his faith in me has been anything but ordinary-and if truth be told, I can give him a run for his money! Thank you Jamie.  So take just one small moment tonight or tomorrow, and let someone know that their simple day to day support and love is not taken for granted.

Generosity of heart manifests itself in many ways.  We can offer our help and support when it is called for; offer our time and money to support causes that matter to us; and quietly work in the background to provide support for those we do not even know.  While most of us readily offer our help to friends and family when it is needed (sometimes without being asked), or donate time or money to organizations that help others; we don't often think about helping strangers we do not know. 

Kyle (a pseudonym) did just this when learning about a family who was struggling to put together enough funds to move out of a relatives home and into an apartment. Their living situation was causing emotional conflict and began to seriously impact the emotional well being of the couples marriage and their daughter.  Hearing about this, Kyle approached a mutual friend who arranged through the church to provide an anonymous gift to this family.  Kyle received no recognition nor feedback on this generosity.  When asked, why would you do this and keep it anonymous? Kyle's response was "I had it, they didn't.  I knew if I put myself in their position, their pride might prevent them from accepting my gift, or they would feel beholding to me."   As it turns out, throughout Kyle's life, there have been several other times that this anonymous generosity has been offered.  Kyle lives an ordinary life, working each day and sending time with friends and family.  While not rich, Kyle continues to offer help while maintaining a low profile.  If this help is in the form of monetary support, where possible, Kyle remains anonymous. 

These small ordinary acts of generosity can have extraordinary impact on people's lives.  For the family who was the beneficiary of Kyle's funds, they were able to show financial stability by putting down a security deposit and first and last months rent on an apartment and quickly moved into their own home.  In the process, they were able to heal the past years difficulty and to move on with their lives.  They in turn when able, now reach out to help others.     Please share your stories of someone who impacted your life or how you impacted someone else's life.

Most of us live ordinary lives. We have jobs, maybe children, pets, friends, family and  hobbies that we love.  While we move through our lives experiencing a range of emotions and feelings; each day can feel and seem like a repeat of the day before or the day that will follow.  We can forget that each day is a gift and is filled with newness and excitement.  We have a choice of how we relate to each moment of our lives, opening to the potential that each moment, hour, and day is new, fresh and infused with energy and an aliveness and excitement that turns our days into a lovely adventure.

I am fortunate that I am reminded of this every day when I see my friend Bettina.  She is an accomplished woman with an MBA from a prestigious school and had a career as a successful management consultant.  She made a choice after her second child was born to remain at home for the next few years so she could be a full-time mom.  Each day that I spend time with her and her children (she is almost never without them for long!) I am aware of how she is fully available and present for them.  It's not that she engages with them in a calm and loving way; it is that as she is delighted by each moment she spends with them.  She is excited to see who they will be when they wake-up, what new things they will learn, and how they will interact with people and their environment.  She approaches each moment as if it were fresh and new, and when I walk into her home, there is an aliveness that is contagious.  There is nothing ordinary about her days, nor the impact she will have on her children as they learn this approach to each day.

Each of us has the possibility to approach every moment and the people we encounter with this same delight.  In doing so, the ordinary minutes, hours and days become infused with life, turning the ordinary into the extraordinary.  I would love to hear your stories, so please comment or write to me. 

As of next week this series will be posted on Thursdays as I introduce a new series of blogs.  Each Monday I will focus on a ceremony that I have had the fortune of co-creating with the participants and naturally officiating at the ceremony.  Please join me as we honor and celebrate our lives!

  

I have been traveling over the past 2 weeks quite a bit.  In general, most of the service people at the train station and airports, while courteous, made limited human contact, and kept a distance.  I watched at the airport as several people, frustrated and anxious, were treated with efficiency but little warmth.  So as I was waiting in line I became glued to one ticket agent; as I observed her customers laughing, smiling and visibly relieved after checking bags, changing seats and handling whatever business they needed.  Clearly she was offering something to her customers that others were not.  By this time, I had been waiting in line for 30 minutes, was tired and anxious and yes, expecting to be efficiently taken care of, but did not expect to have my mood altered by kindness.

I was fortunate to be this agent's next customer.  As I approached Mary, (the name tag revealed), gave me a big smile, looked me in the eye and asked me  "How are you today?" with the warmth of a dear friend.  In that moment, I could feel my body relax and knew that someone really cared about helping me.  As it turns out, Mary herself had been working for over 7 hours and when I thanked her warmth, compassion and heart connection, she beamed and told me that is what she was committed to doing every day.  She said "Life could be hard or sweet, and my job is to help people get to the sweetness, even in hard or stressful times."   In the 5 minutes she spent with me, my mood shifted, I began to smile, relax, look other people in the eye and pass on a bit of her kindness at the airport, as I instinctively began to help strangers who were fumbling with bags, needed a seat or where I simply met their eyes and smiled.

This ordinary everyday person, touches lives each day with a conscious intention that provides compassion, love and a possibility for others to be on the receiving end of kindness and grace.  Small acts of heart, ripple out into the world and make a difference that often goes unnoticed.    For those who are wondering I did send a large testimonial on her behalf to her boss!

When I relocated back to the Boston area in 2003, I had several furniture items that I no longer needed.  Perhaps it was fate or simply luck that led me to HGRM, and a truly remarkable couple and group of volunteers who were making a difference in peoples lives.  When Larry, the driver, arrived to pick up my furniture, we spoke about HGRM.  Larry explained that he was a volunteer and board member and very quickly had me committing to volunteering myself! 

The next week I met Barbara and Ira, the founders of the organization and over the next few months heard the stories and witnessed the small miracles that were occurring each day at HGRM; simply because Barbara and Ira opened their hearts and home to help. 
So here is their story:

Barbara and Ira are a down-to-earth, modest couple who had raised a family and were active in their community.  In the early 1990's, they heard about a women who had fled El Salvador in fear for her life, arriving here with few if any possessions.  Barbara and Ira quickly stepped in; putting a call out to their neighbors and asking them to donate anything that could help this women set-up her home.  The response was overwhelming, with furniture, bedding, kitchen items and essentials being delivered to their home. 

After Barbara and Ira gave her all the items needed to set-up her apartment, they looked around their driveway and basement and saw that they had so much left over, with more coming in!  Instead of turning items away or calling an agency such as Goodwill, they continued to offer goods to people in need.  Word of mouth spread and before they knew it, they had started HGRM!  In 1999, a group of supporters joined forces with Barbara and Ira and incorporated HGRM into a non-profit organization.  Today HGRM, a mostly volunteer organization, is housed in a 9400 square foot facility and services over 300 families a month providing essential household items to the needy at no cost. Barbara and Ira remain quite active! 

Barbara and Ira, from a simple act of heart, have touched and impacted so many lives.  Not only have they helped thousands of families, they have helped those that wish to volunteer and help others, find a home to do so.  If you are interested in learning more about HGRM please visit their website, and if you able consider a donation. 

While many of us may not have the time needed to undertake the efforts that Ira and Barbara have, we can touch people's lives in a meaningful way with one act of heart, sending a ripple of compassion and love out into our world.  The smallest act can make a big difference!    

Thirteen years ago my friend Be made an extraordinary choice.  At the time she was single and a professional Realtor, who having faced multiple challenges was finally beginning to enjoy her life, felt financially secure and was beginning to believe in a future different from her past.

The prior year, her brother, who had three children, had committed suicide.  While this was quite traumatic for Be, she realized that it was going to be a difficult road for his children and was committed to maintaining a relationship with them so she could provide support as they struggled with their loss.  On the year anniversary of his death, she traveled to Texas were the children were living to spend time with them.  What she discovered when she arrived was an intolerable situation.  Clearly the children age 14, 9 and 7 where not only being neglected, but apparently were living in a situation in which their physical, mental and emotional safety were at continual risk.  Without a thought, Be took all three children immediately out of the house and brought them home with her to the East Coast where she filed for and received temporary guardianship.

I have spent the last thirteen years in amazement as my friend has sacrificed her life and ambitions in order to give these children the love, support and counseling needed in order for them to have a chance to grow into functioning adults.  She did all of this without any financial help and little emotional support from the children's relatives.  Ultimately, Be made the decision to leave her job as a Realtor, taking an administrative job and sacrificing financial security so she could be home with the children.

Today, because of her extraordinary willingness to step in, these children had a chance to heal and become contributing people in the world.  The oldest has been serving in the Marines for 6 years and has recently married; the middle boy is employed full time in the service industry, is married and a step dad to two kids who adore him; and the girl is a junior at at a top rated college where she maintains a 3.97 gpa.

The past 13 years have been anything but easy for Be, and when I asked her why, given all she had been through, she chose to take this on, she looked at me as if I had two heads and said..."it's not like I had a choice."  Well yes, you did have a choice my dear friend, and many people would have allowed the "State" and/or "system" to step in, but with great courage and conviction you took these children into your heart and home and in that moment became a role model of compassion and grace for us all.   I am blessed to have been a witness to your life and have you as my dearest friend.

Do you have a story?  Please let me know.

As a spiritual counselor and life coach, I am privileged to companion people along life's path. 
I have been honored to listen to their stories and provide support as they struggle to live from their hearts and make a difference in the world.  The other day, as I was thinking about how many of these people have touched my own heart and life, I decided that their stories were anything but ordinary.  These people exhibit courage, conviction and a passion for healing themselves, helping others and making the most of their lives; some under the most difficult circumstances.

In a world where so much struggle and strife exists, we are bombarded by all the negative stories about hard times, conflict between people, and the difficulties we are facing in our communities and the world at large.  Many of us may believe that it takes strong and powerful people to make a difference, and in this belief we miss out on how "we" as ordinary, simple people can contribute in a meaningful way.

As a way of celebrating and honoring the extraordinary moments and acts in our lives,  I am launching a weekly blog entry that focuses on one person's story.  These will appear, each Wednesday, starting on September 23rd.  I would love to hear your stories as well, so feel free to pass them along.  Names and any identifying details will only be used if I receive permission and the blog entry is approved by the person who it is written about.  Please join this celebration of courage and the extraordinary moments in our lives.